Ask Me… I Won’t Say No… How Could I?

“Much is lost through the want of asking,” as the man said, so last week I asked. I got advice from trusted managers at work, found a proposal template online (comfortable in the knowledge that my boss would not read it; he never does!) and, after two days of scoping out his office for an opportune moment, bounced in there, made my case and bounced out, triumphant. Starting next week, I am working Monday through Thursday and I am off on Fridays. This is all I need, apart from your continued health and happiness, to make my life perfect. Because of various irons in various fires, I will not be any less busy than I am now, but I will have more time for the more important irons.

I will keep my health insurance, my paid time off and all my other benefits and perhaps I can make up the lower pay by organizing myself better. Some of the veteran readers can guess what happens next… That’s right, y’all, a Spendless Month starts on Tuesday, so get ready! I asked MyLove if he was okay with going No-Spend in May and he hesitated and said, “Well, not really. I had plans to hit that foreign language bookstore in Harvard Square.” So, here and now, I’m declaring that Michael gets a free pass in Schoenhof’s Foreign Books in Cambridge.

This change is a major triumph for me and it is possibly a permanent change; no matter how much I may like my job (and I do), there is so much else that I like much more. Travel will be easier because vacation days will go further. Ditto for spending time with friends and family. Errands can be done on Friday, leaving my weekends intact. If we have children, it goes without saying that less work is better than more.

I’m sure I bore you stiff with my constant harping on my desire to work less and just, as Zhivago says, live. But I can’t help it. Now that I’ve realized it’s possible, I can’t justify anything else. The same goes for living in major cities. Growing up, I would never have thought that I could live anywhere but London, Paris, New York, Gotham, Metropolis, etc.; I am an urban girl in taste and temperament. But then I lived in New Orleans and learned, among so many other lessons, that I can have a top-shelf life in a beautiful, interesting dive for the same price as a well-liquor life in a fashionable, over-priced club. Tastes and temperaments, to my surprise, can change. Am I still an urban girl? I’m an adaptable girl and my goal is to be a happy one. This wouldn’t work for everyone, but I think it will for me.

Anyway, next week is the first step to living in my ideal world, my utopia, where this will play in the background (and if you want the guitar break down, which you do because it’s Johnny Marr, go here; each of the three lines is stand-alone gorgeous). See you soon, my lovely friends!

I Got Better, I Got Strong… I Feel Better Now There’s Nothing Wrong…

For my birthday Michael bought me a 10 Class Pass at a yoga studio, as my gym only offers yoga three days a week, and I need the occasional supplement. Sunday morning I took a class which stretched me like a rack, wrung me like a towel and rolled me out like pie crust. To be clear, it felt wonderful, much harder than my usual classes, but wonderful. I’m at a good stage in that I know enough to almost understand how the harder poses are done, but am still new enough to be pleasantly, disbelievingly surprised by what I am able to do myself. I can remember not knowing anything at all, so I almost see how I’m going to learn what I don’t know yet.

For the most part, learning is dull. It is. No matter how fascinating the subject, the majority of learning is not enjoying the fascinatingness of the subject but rather being repeatedly confronted with your own inadequacy. No wonder we resist it so, hard as it is on the body and mind and pride and ego. Fortunately, in spite of or because of our bodies and minds and pride and ego, we overcome the resistance.

I have, in the past few months of yoga, learned so much about learning, about tenacity, about repetition, about challenge, so much more than I have ever understood in school. I am glorying in the tiny improvements, the extra centimeter here, the deeper twist there, and none of even the hardest positions seem impossible. Even if they are years away (which they absolutely are… at least!), I can see how those years are made up of tiny increments, of hops that become leaps and breaths which become postures, of efforts which become ease. Sooner or later, at the farther end of eventually, just as I do things which were not long ago impossible, I will eventually do more impossibles and then more and then a couple more for good measure.

I have never felt this certainty before. I have had brief moments when, suddenly, after plodding away, I broke through befuddlement to clarity. A few satisfying encounters with algebraic equations, a few successful uses of the subjunctive tense in French, a few confident and correct landings of my hands on piano keys, but this feels better, faster and clearer. I can’t decide if it’s because I am older and more patient and more appreciative or if it’s because, in learning a sport or exercise, I am feeling these realizations viscerally, in my muscles and bones, rather than mentally.

And what does this mean for the future? For our dance classes, for my neglected guitar and knitting needles, for the Polish poetry on my bedside table? What could I not learn? Am I limited at all? Sure, by time, by my own brain and body, but is that very much?

I feel good. As I sit here and type, I circle my head on my neck and occasionally arch my back to remind myself, by the soreness in my muscles, how good it feels to learn, how I’m learning to feel good.

Alleluia!

Friday Night at The Cafe…

Whew! Another week that seemed to never end! When we were younger, my mother would go around the table at Thanksgiving and have us tell what we were thankful for. There was always some snarky wise-guy (usually whoever was fourteen at the time), who would respond, “I’m thankful we’re almost done being thankful so we can eat!” This week is like that; I’m just so happy it’s over! However, as I’m not a fourteen-year-old wise guy, I’ll have to do better than that. So…

- On Tuesday my friend, J., came over to rehearse for our upcoming Spring Concert. Due to my inconsiderate flakiness a misunderstanding, J. was staying for dinner without any warning for Michael. It was just like the scene in Little Women when John Brooke invites a friend on the day Meg’s decided to make currant jelly. MyLove, however, showed significantly more fortitude than Meg did on that inauspicious occasion. He rolled up his sleeves, made his most delicious tomato sauce and spaghetti while we rehearsed and served us like it was no big thing. He makes tomato sauce so well, y’all! If you knew us when we first met, you’d be shocked at how far we’ve come. MyLove subsisted on peanut butter, crackers, sparkling water and the occasional burger, while I lived on Ramen Surprise and cream-cheese-and-jelly sandwiches during the day and leftover foie gras and kobe beef in marsala sauce at night. Now we dine, like medieval peasants, on stews. Most nights he cooks and I do the dishes; I’m living the feminist dream! All of which is to say, thank you, MyLove, for making dinner on Tuesday night.

The lobby of the Kimmel Center… even in the lobby, the acoustics are incredible…

- On Wednesday I went with J. and another choir singer to see The Eric Whitacre Singers at the Kimmel Center. This was my first time at the Kimmel Center and, apart from singing one song in the choir, my first time hearing Eric Whitacre’s music. To both, Wow… The crowd was predominantly youthful (lots of high school chorus singers) and absolutely appreciative; the man is a rock star among choral singers, judging by the squeals when he appeared, the rapt silence while the choir sang, the doting laughter and cooing during his spoken introductions and the gasps and tears when he did one of his more popular pieces as an encore. The choir received and deserved three standing ovations. And I was blissfully happy for chords and leaps and dissonances and resolutions, for minor falls and major lifts. They opened with an exquisite Alleluia (one of my favorite words) and had me at ‘Lu’! Good to be musically reminded what we’re capable of.

-The fifth season of Mad Men is being posted for 2 weeks, starting Monday, so that’s what I will be doing, every spare minute until I’m through. I find it very … consistent is not quite the adjective, but it’s close. Very compact and consistent; there’s no wasted gesture or gratuitous word. The first four seasons were so compelling and, again, so consistently good, I have no doubt I’ll enjoy this season. And, who are we kidding, the clothes are to die!

- After work on Friday, we met with some friends at The Cafe for knitting and beer (there was less knitting than beer), which was much-needed.

Oh, my goodness, I feel so much better than I did twenty-four hours ago! Have a beautiful Saturday, my friends!

Blue Skies Smiling At Me…

Monday: We are going to France, y’all! Some delightful friends are getting married there in August and, after much backing and forthing over whether to live like the ant or the grasshopper, we opted for grasshoppers. My mother donated credit card miles to pay for one ticket, otherwise we’d be more antsy. Thank you, Mami!

Tuesday: I wrote to my friend, H., whom I’ve known since the first day of pre-school, for his birthday. As it turns out he is in the preliminary stages of planning a trip to Canada, through the U.S. and down to Mexico sometime soon! We haven’t seen each other since… 1999? Wha…? Wowza! Anyway, this is wonderful news.

Also, we took another dance class and, as it turns out that we, Michael and I, have a natural affinity to Tango; it felt intuitive and right. And, damn, if MyLove is not sexy when he tangos. We’re going to focus on tango when our general classes are over and our more specific classes begin.

Wednesday: Last year I canceled a Chase credit card. I paid it down to zero and tore it up and went on my way. A few weeks later Chase called to say that I owed $15 in interest. After much argument and confusion and frustration, I paid it; even though I was convinced this was a mistake, even though Chase could not properly explain the charge, it seemed silly to fight over $15. Just another reason to hate on credit card companies. On Wednesday, I received a check from Chase for $15. In truth I still despise credit card companies, but it’s always nice to feel that the system in not unremittingly malevolent.

Thursday: And I just found out that some friends are coming to Philly this summer and will most likely stay at our B&B! This will be the first time we see them since their second child was born and I cannot wait to meet her!

Friday: It’s Friday and I’m in bed taking a sick day from work. I’m fine, just a bad cold and it is so nice to occasionally play hooky. Thank the blue baboon for paid time off!

Tonight the Screen Sabbath begins, so I’ll be back on Sunday. Have a lovely weekend, my friends!

Bad Girls Don’t Have Time…

Such a provocative title! And all it means really is that I am too busy to blog for real, but that I miss you and can’t wait to talk to you about it. Big post on Thursday and then, after this weekend, we are entering a blessed period of Nothing To Do Nowhere To Go-oh, so we’ll catch up.

Until then, here’s a few hints at what I’ve been about this past weekend.

Friday Felicity…

 - After a great deal of wrangling, we have hired two more case managers or, to put it more accurately, we hear the cavalry approaching… If this sounds overly dramatic because I work at a mid-size personal injury law firm and how bad could it possibly be? just remember that we have almost doubled our caseloads in the last year. It’s like Helm’s Deep up in this joint and we just looked to the dawn on the fifth day and my word, Gandalf is gorgeous!

- It was a good week for friends; we spent the day with Storeyman and his girlfriend on Sunday and I had a long talk with Dave Cohen on Tuesday. The wonderful part of getting older is that you have so much context into which to place your friends; I don’t know what is better; the fact that my friends stay themselves or the fact that they change and grow and are unceasingly interesting. Do you see me change from year to year? Because I love knowing where you came from and seeing who you are always becoming. Or is it, more simply, that I love you.

- We splurged and used my birthday as an excuse to buy a blender. Smoothies busting out all over, in all hues and permutations.

- I was able to upgrade my phone for a $1 and sell the old one for $22 (profit, y’all!). There was nothing wrong with the old phone and, as a minimalist, I really should have kept it longer, but the camera is soooo much better on the new one. By selling it, I ensured that it will get refurbished and go on to a long and happy life with someone else. Look out for the fruits of this transaction on the blog.

- It turns out we owe taxes instead of having owed to us. But, as I am in full on Pollyanna mode, thank goodness Michael’s job continues so steadily. We can pay the taxes immediately and continue our saving with nary a hiccup. A year or two ago owing a thousand dollars or so would have been crippling. Today it’s merely irritating.

- Postal Service are reuniting (although, seeing as they were never together, I suppose they are uniting) for a tour and my lovely friend, Leigh Anne, bought us tickets! And an outdoor concert in June, mind you! I feel the summer on my skin just thinking about it.

I should have taken notes; I know there were other things to tell you, but my mind is blank. Well, I don’t need to think of reasons to be thankful; my hair is clean, my belly is full, my Michael is mine and you are all, to the best of my knowledge, safe and sound; everything else is lagniappe. I’ll be away all weekend in New York and so I won’t see you until Monday, but until then, I hope you’re having a good night and a restful weekend, my friends!

32 Trips Around The Sun…

Too tired to write properly. Let’s do a Show-and-Tell…

Show:

Michael’s (first) gift; yoga classes… thank you, My Love…

Looking good, 32… looking good…

Breakfast at Parc…

Szymborska; the best company…

My lovely co-workers indulge my unholy love for orange junk food…

My Love shows up at my office… with flowers!

My co-workers use my birthday as an excuse to eat enormous cupcakes…

There are fewer photos of the second half of the day, unfortunately.

Tell: The best parts of the day…

- Michael’s note.

- In Parc, sitting quietly, sipping hot chocolate, unexpectedly listening to the love song from Cinema Paradiso, feeling surrounded and buoyed and held by Dad and Mami and my brothers and my Bobe and my Zeide. Serendipitous perfection.

- My beautiful, elfin-eared, curly-haired cousineice singing the most exquisite rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ on the speaker-phone, then hearing her voice asking, “Now we have cupcake?”. Knowing that her chubby-cheeked brother was sitting next to her, maintaining a stoic and dignified silence (no performing monkey, he!), made the performance even funnier.

- Looking into My Love’s eyes while our feet successfully rhumba and hustle and foxtrot (our first dance class!)

- Your voices on the phone. Your e-mails and texts. Your names signed or typed under the words, ‘love’ and ‘happy’.

Thank you, my lovely friends! Let’s do it again! Good night!

In Sickness And In Health…

Yesterday…

Today…

Better, no? Stay hydrated!

Thankfully Friday!

Buck-a-Shuck Happy Hour at the Oyster Bar. Should have taken a picture before devouring the oysters, but was transported with bliss and didn’t think of it. Aaaahhh, Friday…

Short weeks last so long! Monday was impossible; the combination of being simultaneously the first day back after a vacation and the last day before a holiday rendered me incapable of work. But the rest of the week sped by and people at work do actually seem rested after the holidays; the energy is very buzzy.

So, thankfulness… let’s do this:

1) Today I had my evaluation at work and I got a raise. Not a particularly big one, but when you make little, any amount more than that is… well… more! The company has had a turbulent year and there were rumors swirling around that there would be no raises at all. However, the rumors, in my case at least, were wrong. And after all, if I made more, I would feel pressure to spend more time at work and my goal, ultimately, is to spend less time at work.

2) I had a long talk with a good friend last night. It had been a couple of months and before that it had been more months, so I’m glad to be getting into a routine of checking in more often. She is well and that is good (really not much more that can be said in a blog when you respect people’s privacy, but that’s what it comes down to… she is well and that is good : )

3) There are rumors that Michael’s current job will last several months. His work is so uncertain that rumors are pretty meaningless, but if it’s true, it’s wonderful. He’s not pressured to work more than 40 hours a week and he likes his co-workers, so this is one of the good ones.

4) I still know how to play chess and it’s more fun now than it was when my father tried to teach me. Another advantage to getting older.

5) Tomorrow we go to NY to celebrate my mother’s birthday. Mothers, grandmothers, babies, brothers and, if I know my matriarchs, something tasty to eat … what bliss!

Have a lovely weekend, You All! It feels so good to be back!

So This Is The New Year…

Hello, Darlings! Happy New Year!

We are home from our Christmas visit to Austin, safe, sound, a little tired and very peaceful. Last night, for only the third time in my life, I did not spend New Year with family (we had flown in the night before and Michael has work today, so we stayed in Philly). We walked to Penn’s Landing and watched the 6 o’clock fireworks, then came home for a night of Scrabble, Louis Jordan, writing in journals, candles, bubble bathing, brie and baguettes. Neither of us like champagne, so we toasted the year in coquito. Lovely. I think we’ll go back to family in the future, but this was lovely and much needed rest.

I’m not making hard-and-fast, concrete resolutions (seeing as I’m still working on last year’s), but certainly there are changes in the air. Michael MyLove and I talk more and more about having children and, as I have a quixotic but worthy goal of becoming an excellent human being because doing so will make me a better mother, it’s clear that all the improvements to myself I’ve put off making until later had better come sooner. You see, I would love for my children to be able to say, one day, “My mother never lied to me or said one thing while acting another,” or “My parents always looked at each other with such love. I never saw my mother treat my father disdainfully or pettishly.” I know I will fail a million times over (possibly before we’ve even brought a baby home from the hospital!), but isn’t a child better incentive to make you at least try; your parents love you because they can’t help it and your friends and lovers choose to love you, in spite of your flaws, but children are under no such obligation. I’ll also feel better teaching them how to be good if I can honestly say that I’m trying myself. It sounds naive and I have no doubt that it is, but if not now, when? Exactly. So, 2013, y’all. I like it already.

Around the corner, walking to the fireworks, some advice…